


Wanting

by ShinyOrenjiMushroom



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:20:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22046263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinyOrenjiMushroom/pseuds/ShinyOrenjiMushroom
Summary: He’d never really felt drawn to anyone before. Then Grimmjow happened. He didn’t understand the idea of wanting another, but Grimmjow made him curious. Made him desire something.
Relationships: Grimmjow Jaegerjaques/Kurosaki Ichigo
Comments: 4
Kudos: 182





	Wanting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Black_Storm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Black_Storm/gifts).



> This is meant to build up to a relationship between Grimmjow and Ichigo. I always feel Ichigo is Demi-sexual, so I wanted to show a build up to his awakening. Desire can be a confusing thing and I hope that’s portrayed here. I’m ignoring a lot of canon stuff here. Sorry it’s kind of stream of consciousness written, but Please enjoy!

Everyone had wanted him to at least get to experience his life on earth before his eternal position as a soul reaper. Seiretei had mostly tried to keep out of contact with him minus a few visits from the usual suspects. And though he was in college and studying hard for premed, he was bored. His one relief was that Grimmjow’s desire to fight never disappeared. He looked forward to the rumbling feeling of a gargantua opening up revealing the other ready for a scuffle. Grimmjow never took it easy on him and always went all out, but the killing intent was gone. He could tell the arrancar enjoyed their scraps as much as he did. 

Ichigo found something so easy about their companionship. He wished that he saw Grimmjow on a regular basis. It did wonders for his stress levels, but Grimmjow’s visits were unpredictable at best. Each one left Ichigo wanting to spend more time laying flat on a rooftop post fight in comfortable silence. Grimmjow never had much to say but he always stayed a bit after while they both caught their breath. 

“Oi Shinigami, what are you doing here?”

Ichigo sat up and turned at the sudden question. “What do you mean?”

“Wasting time? Gonna play being a boring human for a bit and have brats?” Grimmjow motioned with a flick of his wrist. 

“I hadn’t really thought about it. Never really been interested. “ he sighed and flopped back down. 

“Ain’t that what all that studying is for? Brats?” Sharp eyes slid to him. 

“Eh, wanting to save children and help them is different than wanting my own. “

“Bet boobs for brains wants brats.” He turned back to the sky. 

“What’s that got to do with me?” Ichigo frowned and sat up fully. 

“You’re one dense fucker. She’s held a candle for you this whole time.” Grimmjow chuckled. “You’re not cruel enough to lead her on are ya?”

“I’ve never felt that way about her. She knows that.” He replied. 

“Have you ever told her that you don’t share her feelings?” Grimmjow’s smile stretched maliciously. 

“I’ve never had to. We aren’t like that.” He pushed. “I don’t really feel like that for anyone.”

“Really? What gets your blood burning then?” Grimmjow invaded his space and jabbed a finger in his chest. 

“Fighting you.” Ichigo answered absently suddenly aware of their proximity. 

Grimmjow stood suddenly with a cackle. “Pretty pathetic by human standards ain’t it?” He stretched. “But you’re not exactly normal.” He chortled to himself and then shrugged. “Ah well, See ya around shinigami.” 

Ichigo frowned thinking it was odd that Grimmjow had even brought up his love life. There really wasn’t much point to it. He figured regardless if he had a future family or kids that Grimmjow wouldn’t care or even stop fighting him. He chuckled at the thought of Grimmjow suddenly appearing during his work to goad him into a fight. If he thought on it though, he didn’t really have a desire to settle down. He didn’t ever think about Orihime in the terms Grimmjow how brought up. He couldn’t picture himself with anyone. It was oddly boring to him and slightly off putting. Not the idea of being tied to one person, but more the idea of family life. He enjoyed the freedom he currently had outside of classes and work. He spent a good portion of that free time in his spirit form. He supposed that he couldn’t really get away from that lifestyle. 

He wondered if Grimmjow had a family or a lover when he’d been alive. It was hard to picture him in such a domestic way, but maybe there had been something. He wondered if the other remembered, or if he even cared. He thought on it constantly intending to ask the other when they fought next. He knew Grimmjow had to have been of some European descent. He tried to imagine him in a high school uniform and doing various activities. It made him wonder what made his hollow. Who was he under all the tough bravado. Ichigo wanted to know everything. 

The next fight, about a month later, found them both laying in a bloodied mess in the park. They sprawled in the grass between deep gashes in the ground panting for breath. Ichigo watched from the corner of his eye as Grimmjow struggled to laugh. He’d been soundly thrashed, but he’d enjoyed every second of, mouth stretched in a predatory grin the entire time. He felt relaxed. He paused as he took the other in. 

“Grimmjow.”

“Eh, shinigami?” He rasped. 

“Do you remember being alive?” Ichigo breathed out before he could stop himself. 

“Bits and pieces.” He answered after a moment. “Gotta cling to something to ascend.” He stretched his hand upwards then made a claw. “Why do you want to know?”

“I guess I’m curious about what makes you tick.” Ichigo replied. 

“Well it was lifetimes before you.” His arm flopped back down. 

“What do you remember?” He propped himself up to face the hollow. 

“Fighting. Sometimes fucking. The taste of ale. Ships.”

“So you were a fighter in your previous life as well?” Ichigo surmised. 

“It’s what I’m best at.” He snorted. “Why do anything else?”

“It doesn’t explain your hollowfication.” He sighed. “Just enjoying fighting and excelling in it I mean.”

“Your culture is really fucking different, but you know what happens when your soul ain’t sent off properly.” He sat up and frowned at Ichigo. 

“You remember your death?” Ichigo eyed him with a furrowed brow. 

“Every fucking painful moment of it. If I could kill the fucker that took me out I would. Little shit stabbed me in the back. Literally. Didn’t get my funeral pyre back to sea.” He glowered at Ichigo. “Fucking mood killer. See ya shinigami.” He jumped up and was gone in an instant. 

Ichigo didn’t realize exactly how old Grimmjow’s soul was, but the hints about his death put Ichigo on a quest. He figured that it placed Grimmjow in the Nordic tribes. That image fit in his head more. He could envision the other in furs and bone; his hair long and plaited; and war paint on his face. In between studying for his classes he dug into the history of Nordic tribes and found himself sketching out Grimmjow with different hairstyles in the margins of his notes. He matched the historical illustrations he found in his search. 

It was another month before he saw Grimmjow again. To his embarrassment he couldn’t hide his joy. Grimmjow teased him mercilessly for his smile. He tried not to let it get to him but in the end he was distracted. Grimmjow also noticed and was displeased. He threw a cero at Ichigo and growled out his annoyance. 

“You better not be going easy on me shinigami.” 

“Never! That’s a death wish. I’m not stupid.” Ichigo yelled wiping blood from his lip. 

“I don’t know, maybe you do have a death wish. Your dumb face looks pretty happy for someone getting his ass kicked.”

Ichigo dodged the claw that shot towards his face. Grimmjow was quick to follow up with another swipe and a flick of his tail. Ichigo blocked the strike and pushed away from the other. He knocked Grimmjow with the butt of his sword as he moved out of close range. He watched as the hollow spit blood to the side while cracking his neck. The long hair from his released form reminded Ichigo of the illustrations of Nordic warriors. It spilled over his shoulder as he hunched down ready to charge again. 

“Pretty.” He murmured unthinkingly. 

Grimmjow’s brow furrowed and his pupils slit. “What the fuck did you say?”

Ichigo’s cheeks reddened but he shot a getsuga at Grimmjow to cover his embarrassment. Grimmjow was gobsmacked by the compliment and was unable to fully dodge the lobbed energy. It caught him on the hip and sent him skidding across the pavement. He glowered and flopped over on his back showing he was done fighting. 

“That shit’s fighting dirty!” He yelled while reverting to his normal form. “Asshole shinigami.”

Ichigo walked over and sat down next to him. Grimmjow gave him the finger but made no other move. They sat in nearly comfortable quiet until Ichigo sneezed from some stray grass brushing his nose. He wanted to ask more questions but held his tongue. Grimmjow eventually sat up and eyed him from the side. 

“What the fuck is it?” Grimmjow finally asked in irritation. 

“I thought hollows didn’t remember their lives before death. Is it just arrancar that recall?”

“We have a single focus. Sure you don’t remember shit when you’re just a bumbling minus. But the more power we gain the more we recall. At least only the important shit.”

Ichigo laughed. “So for you fighting and fucking.”

“Fucking is just another outlet for that violent energy. Ain’t no reason to fuck anything in this form.” Grimmjow shrugged. 

“Can you even-?” He drew off his cheeks flushing. “I mean there’s no need for it so are hollows impotent?”

“The fuck? You got some weird thoughts. Why the fuck do you want to know so much about my life? Yours too boring?” He threw some dirt at Ichigo no intent to really hit him. 

“Like I said last time, I want to know what makes you tick.” Ichigo sighed. 

“Well stop that shit. Reminds me too much of that shit weasel Ichimaru or that fucker Szayel.” Grimmjow snarled. 

“You’re not an experiment to me. I just want to know about you.” Ichigo shrugged. 

Grimmjow snorted. “Don’t understand why. Ain’t nothing important to know.”

“Sure there is.” Ichigo tilted his head. “You’re an interesting character.”

“You’re terrible at flirting shinigami.” He laughed making the reaper flush. 

“I’m not flirting.” Ichigo retorted moodily. 

“Whatever.” Grimmjow jumped up and stretched out. “Later weirdo.” He snickered and disappeared. 

His daily thoughts circled on Grimmjow calling him out as a bad flirt. He didn’t think that he’d been giving off that kind of vibe. Apparently though, he had. As it was, he started to think about Grimmjow in ‘that’ manner. It was easy to admit that the arrancar was attractive. He’d found their fights the most enjoyable activity and was thoroughly pleased that bouts of small conversations followed. He’d never particularly thought of flirting as he’d never been interested in anyone enough to try. But Grimmjow made him curious. He made him desire something. 

The sound of footsteps on his balcony one night roused him from studying. He looked up and was surprised to see Grimmjow scuffing his boots on the railing. Immediately he put his books away and went to open the sliding door. He paused for a moment watching Grimmjow silhouetted against the city lights. It was breathtaking. 

“What are you doing here?” He finally asked. 

“To fight. Why else would I be here Kurosaki?” He smirked and walked past the other and into the living room. 

“You never come here.” Ichigo pursed his lips catching up with Grimmjow. “And you used my name. You never do that either.”

“You’re just a boring human right now.” The arrancar replied with a shrug. 

Despite the given reason, Grimmjow made no move to strike at him. He seemed to be studying Ichigo’s space. He sniffed and walked over to the coffee table with open notebooks. His eyes roved over the page and landed on the messy sketches. He chuckled and clicked his teeth and then turned back to look at Ichigo. He grabbed a pen and made a few crude scribbles to the page. 

“Not bad, but you had my hair wrong.” He smirked looking at his work. 

“What?” Ochre eyes snapped to the notebook and saw where Grimmjow had altered the braids on his sketch. “So you really are what I thought.” He murmured. “You have an old soul, but you must be incredibly adaptable to not be fazed by all the modern stuff.” Ichigo commented. 

“We glean knowledge from the souls we devour.” He licked his lips. “That’s why I know your language as well as many others.” He unsheathes his sword. “Enough talking Kurosaki. Let’s fight.”

Ichigo was quick to shed his human body and jumped out the window prompting Grimmjow to chase. He had no interest in destroying his sanctuary. Grimmjow laughed jaw wide showing sharp teeth as he pursued Ichigo. The occasional cero would fly from his sword to try to trip up the reaper. They came to a stop at an abandoned parking lot. Both grinned ready to fly at each other. Grimmjow slowly dragged his nails down pantera’s blade releasing his sword as Ichigo pulled his hollow out. Ichigo’s smile widened behind his mask seeing the feline featured form and Grimmjow’s hair lengthen and blow in the wind of his spiritual pressure. 

“You going to take me and my pretty hair serious this time Shinigami?!” He teasingly yelled. 

“I always do.” Ichigo snapped back. 

Grimmjow’s claws clanged and sparked as they dragged along Zangetsu in a full charge. Ichigo pushed back and swung his blade wide discharging dark energy. Grimmjow flipped over it and dived at him. The barbs on his arms crossed with Zangetsu again causing a heavy release of wind at the intersection. He yelled in delight and fired a cero at the hybrid. It took a small chunk out of the cheek of Ichigo’s mask, but the accelerated healing caused it to reform. They clashed again and again until the parking lot was just rubble and chunks of concrete. Grimmjow seemed elated even as blood dropped from beneath his bone circlet. 

Eventually they wore each other out and both plopped down on the ruined ground. Grimmjow was laboriously laughing as he reverted. Ichigo sighed heavily and wiped the blood from his nose. His eyes still held a tinge of hollow energy and glowed gold under the street lamps. He watched as Grimmjow’s form melted back to a more human appearance. Blue eyes met his and he felt a charge rip through his soul. 

“Your hollow is showing shinigami.” Grimmjow commented with a quirk of his lip. 

“Must be because I’m with you.” Ichigo replied continuing to hold his gaze. “You make me want something.” 

“Is that right?” His voice was soft and gravelly as he smirked around the question. “And what do you want?”

“I don’t know.” Ichigo murmured feeling a small loss. “You’re the only one that’s ever made me want.”

Grimmjow threw his head back and laughed. “Well, come find me when you figure out what you want.”

Ichigo got up suddenly, stood over Grimmjow, and leveled his sword at him. The other eyed him with challenge. Zangetsu’s blade kissed along the skin of the arrancar’s throat, but he was not afraid. He licked his lips waiting to see what Ichigo would do. The gold tinge was still in his eyes as he regarded Grimmjow. He seemed to be studying him eyes roving over his whole body. They stopped on the scar on his chest peeking out of his jumpsuit. His sword slid down to rest on the edge of it. 

“I should want to kill you. I have every reason to want that.” He sighed and pulled his sword away. “But I’ve never wanted to. I’ve always wanted to challenge you, but that’s not it either.” He swallowed. “It’s insatiable.” 

“You sound more like us.” Grimmjow grabbed Ichigo’s wrist and thumbed the scar he’d made there during their first clashes. “Insatiable hunger is very hollow-like.” He pulled the other down causing him to drop his sword in surprise. “I’d say, you’re too trusting because what I want is to consume you.”

“Then do it.” 

Grimmjow ran his fingers through ginger locks and then yanked his head back roughly. Ichigo shivered as sharp teeth grazed his neck before digging harshly in right below his ear. He stiffened a sharp breath punching from his lungs at the sensation. His free arm came up to clench in Grimmjow’s hair but he had no intention of trying to pull free. A moment later the bite softened and a tongue ran over the wound. He felt more than heard a soft chuckle against his neck. 

“Don’t heal that. I want to see it scar.” Grimmjow whispered in his ear. 

After that he was pushed back and the arrancar disappeared from sight. His hand came up to the side of his neck feeling the blood running down. It was a odd sensation, like a deep bruise more than anything. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected to happen. It definitely wasn’t that, but he didn’t mind that it had. He sighed and pressed on the wound gasping a little at the twinge that shot through his neck. It sent a heat flicking in his nerves. 

He rushed back home to look at the wound. It looked incredibly bad crusted in blood and still weeping. Gingerly he cleaned it with warm water and placed a cloth on it until the bleeding stopped. He exhaled softly as he pulled the cloth free. It was still gnarly. Grimmjow’s sharp teeth had left deep indents in the skin. The tears from the canines were the most obvious. Ichigo thumbed at them and bit his lip feeling the same wanton ache. He pressed down imagining Grimmjow’s teeth curved around it. There was no doubt that the arrancar could have crushed his neck in that powerful jaw. That made Ichigo tingle at the thought of how dangerous it was. 

Physical desire was a fresh experience for him. Grimmjow had awakened that in him. He’d never felt particularly drawn to anyone, but thoughts of the arrancar made his pulse race. It wasn’t just a want to challenge him either. He kept looking at himself in the mirror. Wounds from his soul body never appeared on his human form. Ichigo kept touching his neck pressing down on the place where the bite should have been. He could feel the phantom bruising, but it was vaguely empty not being able to see it. 

He easily accepted that he was attracted to Grimmjow. It wasn’t hard to see that the draw had been mounting since their first fight. Along the way it had changed into something more amicable and eventually into what it was now. They always started with fights, but there were words also, and he’d learned things he doubted Grimmjow shared with anyone else. He wanted more of that, those moments of understanding. He was also increasingly curious about what physically the arrancar could offer. Was it even possible. 

Ichigo’s classes had ended for the term and he found himself at a bar with a few of those he got along with. One of the guys had gotten several shots deep and was being overly affectionate with everyone at their table. Ichigo had more than once pushed him off and held him at a distance much to his classmates’ amusement. He was ready to escape not fond of getting wasted himself. He was idly listening to one of the girls talk about an intern that had been hitting on her when he felt a stifling pressure in the room. He stood up abruptly causing everyone at his table to look. Swiftly he walked to the entrance and paused as Grimmjow tilted his head at him. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked taking in the human appearance. 

Grimmjow smirked and adjusted his jacket. “I told you, I’m going to consume you.”

He ignored the catcalls of his classmates as he was tucked under a leather-clad arm and led out. Seeing the arrancar in a gigai had been surprising, but he quietly thanked Urahara for paying close attention to detail. A fine blush fell across his cheeks at the leer he was given. Grimmjow was openly appreciating him and even possessively dared any bypassing people to look. Ichigo normally wouldn’t have enjoyed that behavior but it didn’t bother him for some reason. 

“Why are you wearing a gigai?” Ichigo asked while gazing up at the perfectly constructed face without a mask. 

“You’re mine. You’ve always been mine. Since the first moment I felt your energy.” Grimmjow licked his lips. “You were my prey. Mine to challenge, consume, and best.” He stopped and tapped Ichigo’s neck. “I’m glad that woman’s ability erased the other scars on your body. I fucking hate the thought of anyone else marking you.”

“That’s mighty bold of you Grimmjow.” Their eyes met. “I’ve been marked by others before you.”

Grimmjow laughed. “Not like me though. Your thoughts are always on me. *I* make your blood burn.” He dipped his head and whispered against the other’s ear. “I’ve bested you here. Do you now know what you want?”

“Is that even possible?” He murmured. 

“You, asking about possibilities is hilarious.” Grimmjow pulled back and started walking again. 

“Don’t laugh asshole. I’ve never been with anyone. I don’t know.” His face heated up at the admission. 

“How many times have you nearly died?” Blue eyes gleamed almost playfully. “How many beings you got knocking around in you head?”

“Okay, okay. I get it. Just, I really don’t know what to do. What you want, or what this even is!”

Grimmjow stopped suddenly and pinned Ichigo to the wall next his apartment entryway. “I told you what I want. I want to consume you, in every way I can. Does anything else matter?” He growled. 

Ichigo placed his hands on Grimmjow’s cheeks nervously. Where he hand confidence in battle, affection was bizarre to him. He let his thumbs run over high cheek bones tracing the area under the eye where teal normally rested. Grimmjow’s eyes were still lined in dark kohl. Even in a gigai his eyes glowed with unearthly power. Though the human shape was beautiful, he still found himself looking for the slit pupils and bone mask. 

“Grimmjow, why did you come to me in this form?” Ichigo whispered. 

A gruff chuckle came out. “Why don’t you take me upstairs to find out.”

Hands slid to brush through cotton-blue hair. He sighed softly and let his head fall forward. Grimmjow was still, awaiting his next move. Ichigo smiled and then brushed his lips tentatively against the other’s. As the arrancar responded Ichigo gained more confidence. He pulled back to catch his breath and saw a teasing look in the other’s eyes.

“You’ll have to teach what to do.” He murmured against Grimmjow’s lips. 

“I’m sure you’ll learn fast. Let’s go.”

**Author's Note:**

> Shameless indulgence to picture Grimm as a Viking. Also using the ideas of souls containing knowledge so hollows glean information from what they eat so to speak. I hope you enjoyed this.
> 
> Also, Stormy I know you’re having a rough time, so happy late Christmas and happy new year. This was for you!


End file.
